FINDING SUPPORT AFTER HEARTBREAK
“It would be easier in some ways to list things that The Bodie Hodges Foundation hasn’t supported us with.”
Arran’s daughter Clara was stillborn in 2022. He and his wife Lucy have been supported by The Bodie Hodges Foundation since then, initially with counselling sessions together, before now receiving individual support.
“It’s a bereavement charity but it isn’t just that, they have helped us together, as individuals and supported our daughter Amelia too,” Aaron explains.
The couple were referred to The Bodie Hodges Foundation by a bereavement midwife after Clara passed away.
A JOURNEY THROUGH PREGNANCY AND LOSS
“I like talking, it’s how I cope and how I process. The sessions for me are such an important part of my grief. Bodie’s House is a place where I can come and talk to my counsellor – it’s a release.
It’s an amazing charity. Its support of organ donation particularly resonates with us given that Lucy has had kidney transplants too.”
After their daughter Amelia was born, Lucy had a kidney transplant. As she recovered, she fell pregnant with Clara.
“We knew there were risks because of Lucy’s kidney so talked everything through. We knew that she would be premature, but we never imagined we’d lose Clara.
We were having regular trips to the hospital for Lucy’s dialysis and scans, we were closely monitored, and everything was as it should be.”
THE MOMENT EVERYTHING CHANGED
As Lucy continued her dialysis, doctors started talking about delivering Clara.
“It was at the start of December when the doctors said a decision would be made, we had always known that Lucy would be induced early so weren’t overly concerned.”
But when the couple attended their next appointment, they were told the devastating news that Clara had no heartbeat.
Heartbreakingly, it had been Lucy’s baby shower just the day before.
Arran recalls: “Parts of that day I will remember forever, there are other parts I can’t remember at all. I remember Lucy’s cries, having to tell Amelia what had happened and Lucy’s mum going to the house to take down the cards and decorations.”
SAYING HELLO AND GOODBYE
A bereavement midwife supported the couple as Lucy was induced to deliver their daughter.
“It was an extremely difficult day but one we got through with the support of some incredible people.”
Following Clara’s birth, Lucy needed further support and dialysis, leaving Arran with Clara.
“Clara was in a cold cot, and I had a maternity assistant with me throughout. Our family was able to come and see Clara. Lucy held her, I was able to touch her and Amelia was the first person to kiss her, that was something that was very important and personal for us.”
ONGOING HEALING AND INDIVIDUAL SUPPORT
After returning home, the family were referred to The Bodie Hodges Foundation bereavement counselling services.
Initially attending together, the couple were then offered individual support.
“I was quite sceptical at first. I thought I was coping well; I thought I was handling things, I was very good at talking in the joint sessions. I was worried about Lucy attending on her own but came to realise that there were things we perhaps needed to talk about but weren’t with each other.
It’s our emotional support, it’s a place that has taught me how beneficial therapy is, it’s somewhere that helped me realise that grief is individual and what my grief looks like compared to my wife’s and other people’s.
I can’t imagine either of us not having this support. And they’ve been great with Amelia, too.”
LIVING WITH LOSS AND LEARNING TO COPE
As the family approaches two years since what they lovingly refer to as Clara’s Day, they continue to receive the support of The Bodie Hodges Foundation.
“There are still so many things that we need to do and address – we have Clara’s ashes at home still, but we know we need to do things in our own time. I listened to Clara’s funeral songs the other day for the first time since that day. It’s not something I’ve been able to or wanted to until then, but something made me feel the need to.
I couldn’t have done that without the support I’ve had from The Bodie Hodges Foundation. It’s helping me learn to manage my grief.
I don’t think any of us would be where we are today without it.”
