Life with Rhys
“There are days when I wonder how I would cope without the support I’ve had.”
Pete, a doctor in the NHS, has been supported by The Bodie Hodges Foundation since his 5-year-old son Rhys died in 2022.
“He was always smiling, had long blond hair and loved chocolate brownies or anything sweet. His favourite, before he was poorly, was the cappuccino foam, he always loved that!”
Rhys was diagnosed with a long-term health condition when he was a toddler.
“Even when he was poorly, he would still be smiling and giggling.
We always knew because of his condition he would deteriorate but we never really knew when or how.
We were in and out of Rainbows children’s hospice five or six times before he died. We’d go in not knowing whether we’d be coming home with him and then he would recover, and we would.
That was difficult because there was always part of you thinking he’d get better because he’s made it through before.”
Understanding Grief as a Parent and Doctor
Pete and his wife Jenny, both doctors, often had a deeper understanding of Rhys’s condition.
“We knew certain indicators; we understood the things doctors were talking about and this helped with difficult conversations and decisions.”
After Rhys passed away, Pete was referred to The Bodie Hodges Foundation.
“Speaking to a counsellor made me see that talking helped. I wanted to carry on talking to someone, I knew that I needed to.”
“No one knows how to do this. Losing a child is a specific thing. It’s rare, and it’s unnatural.
You do have bad days and there’s often no reason why one day is worse than another… Sometimes it’s just nothing at all.”
The Reality of Grieving a Child
Pete’s expectations of grief were turned upside down.
“I didn’t expect it to be like this for me at all. I thought I would be really upset, then gradually it would ease…
As a doctor I’m used to fixing things, but I’ve come to realise this can’t be fixed. I thought I was weird — but being told my feelings are normal was reassuring.”
Even a year or more after Rhys died, Pete still struggled.
“There seems to be this idea that things are difficult initially and then they get better. That’s most people’s experience of grief when they lose a grandparent. That’s natural grief.”
Support Without a Timeframe
“The support from The Bodie Hodges Foundation has given me the confidence to take things at my own pace. There is no textbook way of grieving for a child.”
Pete has also found comfort in Chips and Chat, a support group for bereaved dads.
“As men and dads, we don’t always talk as much. You hold back sometimes, to protect others.”
The Foundation has also helped Pete and Jenny support their younger son Leon, who was just two when Rhys died.
“He’s four now and we know he’ll have more questions as time goes on. The support we’ve had has given us the confidence to help him.”
Ongoing Strength and Support
“There are times when I think I can’t do this today… but I always leave feeling it’s helped.
I know that the support is always there — and that’s the key thing for me really.”
